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    <title>pudgeefeet’s ramblings</title>
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    <updated>2008-04-24T02:53:42Z</updated> 
    <author>
        <name>pudgeefeet</name>
        <uri>http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/?_c=feed-atom-full</uri>
    </author> 
    <id>tag:vox.com,2006:6p00d09e471c21be2b/</id> 
    <subtitle>No, I do not have pudgee feet and no, this is not a fetish blog</subtitle>  
    
    <entry>
        <title>delayed reaction?</title>   
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        <published>2008-04-11T16:24:43Z</published>
        <updated>2008-04-24T02:53:42Z</updated>
    
        <author>
            <name>pudgeefeet</name>
            <uri>http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/?_c=feed-atom-full</uri>
        </author>
    
        
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        <p>I&#39;ve been thinking more and more about my grandpa.&#160; The main feelings I have been having are guilt.&#160; I know guilt is part of the grieving process, but 3.5 months later?</p><p>Last night was especially hard for me.&#160; I had several break downs throughout the night, and now have puffy eyes as a result.&#160; These feelings may have been triggered by my uncle&#39;s death yesterday.&#160; I wasn&#39;t so close to my uncle, but it resurfaced a lot of feelings from my grandpa that I did not get to deal with.&#160; There were so many deaths that I must have just went numb.&#160; And I guess with so many, one after another, I couldn&#39;t even grieve for him.</p><p>The main thing that has been making me feel guilty is what happened the morning before he past away.&#160; I haven&#39;t talked about it, but I may feel better sharing.&#160; I arrived in his hospital room that morning and he will completely alert, but uncomfortable.&#160; He asked for back massages couple times, told us his oxygen mask hurts, and tried to eat the wontons we brought him.&#160; So guilt number one, I did not get wontons from his favorite place, but from a place that was convenient instead.&#160; they were not good wontons and he only ate one bite.&#160; Why didn&#39;t I just drive the extra 2 blocks to get him his favorite wontons?&#160; This ended up being his last meal.</p><p>So an hour or so later, my grandpa wakes up and pulls off his oxygen mask.&#160; He then tries to pull out all his IVs.&#160; In hindsight, I think he was confused from the morphine, but at the time, I thought he was tired of it all and didn&#39;t want it anymore.&#160; I called in the nurse to see if she could up the morphine &amp; to discuss our options.&#160; My family had agreed that we would take him off the breathing machine (bypap?), but to do so, we need to have him on morphine so he doesn&#39;t feel like he&#39;s drowning/suffocating.&#160; </p><p>I told her that I wanted her to up the morphine.&#160; She then asked me if I wanted her to give him something to help him sleep while we steadily increase the morphine.&#160; Then when the morphine is at a comfortable level, we could call all the family in, we would take off his mask.&#160; He could be comfortable, eat, and hang out with us until he couldn&#39;t breathe anymore and would eventually drift off.&#160; It sounded so good, so I had her do it.&#160; She gave him something through his IV and it knocked him out right away.&#160; He never woke up after that.&#160; </p><p>I have extreme guilt and feel selfish for having him sedated.&#160; I ended up being the last to see him.&#160; He didn&#39;t get to see his children.&#160; He may not have been ready for it.&#160; I didn&#39;t even get to say what I wanted to say to him.&#160; He never got to eat his favorite food.&#160; </p><p>Compared to my grandma &amp; uncle before death, my grandpa was way stronger.&#160; He probably wasn&#39;t ready to go.&#160; Whatever I had the nurse give him probably killed him.&#160; I kept thinking that my grandpa doesn&#39;t want to suffer and I dont&#39; want to see him suffer like my grandma did, but maybe it wasn&#39;t his time yet.&#160; And how do I know he wasn&#39;t suffering but just couldn&#39;t tell us.&#160; He looked peaceful though.&#160; It&#39;s weird how all these guilty feelings are now resurfacing.<br /> </p>   <p style="clear:both;"> 
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        </content> 
    <category term="death" scheme="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/tags/death/" label="death" /> 
    <category term="grandpa" scheme="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/tags/grandpa/" label="grandpa" /> 
    <category term="mourning" scheme="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/tags/mourning/" label="mourning" /> 
    <category term="guilt" scheme="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/tags/guilt/" label="guilt" /> 
    <category term="grievance" scheme="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/tags/grievance/" label="grievance" /> 
    </entry> 
    
    <entry>
        <title>6 in 6?</title>   
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        <published>2008-04-08T03:43:09Z</published>
        <updated>2008-04-11T04:34:16Z</updated>
    
        <author>
            <name>pudgeefeet</name>
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        <p>I hate to be all depressing again, but my uncle&#39;s in ICU right now.&#160; He&#39;s my dad&#39;s eldest brother.&#160; Doctors say he may go tonight or tomorrow morning.&#160; He will be #6 within 6 months.&#160; :(</p>
<p>On a brighter note, hanging out at the hospital for so many people&#39;s last few days made me realize how much I should really appreciate the time together while they were well.&#160; Not much productive/quality time could be spent with someone on their death bed.&#160; So I have been hanging out with my grandma a lot more lately.&#160; After my uncle, I walked over to see my grandma.&#160; </p>
<p>We walked down the hallway and there were a bunch of grandma&#39;s sitting in their wheel chairs in the hallway.&#160; I walk up to my grandma and smiled so big when she saw me.&#160; That totally made my day.&#160; We rolled her own wheel chair to a place where we can sit with her.</p>
<p>Funniest thing she said to me today was, <strong>&quot;You teach, right?&#160; So you aren&#39;t really working.&quot;</strong></p>
<p>I gave her a kiss on the cheek when we left and she smiled so big.&#160; :)&#160; she&#39;s so cute.&#160; It&#39;s going to be HARD when her time comes, but I&#39;m grateful to have these moments with her.</p>   <p style="clear:both;"> 
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            ]]>
        </content> 
    <category term="grandma" scheme="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/tags/grandma/" label="grandma" /> 
    <category term="dying" scheme="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/tags/dying/" label="dying" /> 
    <category term="uncle" scheme="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/tags/uncle/" label="uncle" /> 
    <category term="growing old" scheme="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/tags/growing+old/" label="growing old" /> 
    </entry> 
    
    <entry>
        <title>spring break</title>   
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        <published>2008-03-28T21:55:44Z</published>
        <updated>2008-03-29T01:34:08Z</updated>
    
        <author>
            <name>pudgeefeet</name>
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        <p>I have had an eventful spring break so far.<br />&#160;Went to SF &amp; back:
    
    
    

    
    
    
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 <div>Babysat for 2 days.&#160; One the first day, I took him on a play date w/ Natalie.&#160; It started w/ independent playing.&#160; No acknowledgment of each other.&#160; Then progressed to fighting for the same toys.&#160; THEN 45 MINUTES of this:
    
    
    





        






    
    
    





        





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He ended up with an owie on his foot, so Natalie played doctor.&#160; Must have learned it from her mother.
    
    
    

    
    
    
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Then some... cuddling?
    
    
    

    
    
    
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THAT was an eventful day.&#160; The next day I had a very chilled day with Aiden.
    
    
    

    
    
    
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</div></p>   <p style="clear:both;"> 
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        </content> 
    <category term="natalie" scheme="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/tags/natalie/" label="natalie" /> 
    <category term="children" scheme="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/tags/children/" label="children" /> 
    <category term="spring break" scheme="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/tags/spring+break/" label="spring break" /> 
    <category term="aiden" scheme="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/tags/aiden/" label="aiden" /> 
    <category term="toddlers" scheme="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/tags/toddlers/" label="toddlers" /> 
    <category term="playdate" scheme="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/tags/playdate/" label="playdate" /> 
    </entry> 
    
    <entry>
        <title>my first LaTi</title>   
        <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" title="my first LaTi" href="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/library/post/my-first-lati.html?_c=feed-atom-full" />  
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        <published>2008-02-25T05:07:16Z</published>
        <updated>2008-02-25T17:33:10Z</updated>
    
        <author>
            <name>pudgeefeet</name>
            <uri>http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/?_c=feed-atom-full</uri>
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        <p>Thanks to Linda, I am now a proud mommy of a LaTi doll.<br />
    
    
    

    
    
    
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She hasn&#39;t come out of her shell yet.&#160; I spent today sewing for her and trying to get to know her, but i haven&#39;t figured out her personality yet.&#160; <br /></div><div><br /></div></p>   <p style="clear:both;"> 
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        </content> 
    <category term="diy" scheme="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/tags/diy/" label="diy" /> 
    <category term="doll" scheme="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/tags/doll/" label="doll" /> 
    <category term="sewing" scheme="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/tags/sewing/" label="sewing" /> 
    <category term="bjd" scheme="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/tags/bjd/" label="bjd" /> 
    <category term="coco" scheme="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/tags/coco/" label="coco" /> 
    <category term="lati" scheme="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/tags/lati/" label="lati" /> 
    </entry> 
    
    <entry>
        <title>RIP David</title>   
        <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" title="RIP David" href="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/library/post/rip-david.html?_c=feed-atom-full" />  
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        <published>2008-02-20T08:02:42Z</published>
        <updated>2008-02-22T22:16:30Z</updated>
    
        <author>
            <name>pudgeefeet</name>
            <uri>http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/?_c=feed-atom-full</uri>
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<p>I don&#39;t get it.&#160; We just buried Scott only a month ago.&#160; We&#39;re not even done mourning his death yet, and today his father passed away.&#160; He just went in his sleep.&#160; He took Scott&#39;s death really hard, naturally, and I guess he just couldn&#39;t take it anymore and just didn&#39;t wake up today.</p><p>This makes the 5th death in the past 5 months.&#160; After grandpa, I thought the new year would bring better luck, but then Scott went.&#160; So I rationalized that it would be in the new lunar year... but I guess not.</p><p>Just this past Thursday, I was sharing with work how I planned to go on a trip during new years, but ended up burying grandpa.&#160; Then I planned to go during MLK, but ended up burying Scott.&#160; So I was REALLY scared to plan anything for this president&#39;s weekend.&#160; I didn&#39;t plan anything, and it ended up being a very quiet weekend (nice to finally have one), but then today came along. </p><p>I just don&#39;t get it.&#160; David leaves behind a loving wife, daughter, grand son &amp; grand daughter.&#160; <div><br /></div></p>   <p style="clear:both;"> 
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        </content> 
    <category term="death" scheme="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/tags/death/" label="death" /> 
    <category term="life" scheme="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/tags/life/" label="life" /> 
    </entry> 
    
    <entry>
        <title>15 days of UTI</title>   
        <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" title="15 days of UTI" href="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/library/post/15-days-of-uti.html?_c=feed-atom-full" />  
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        <published>2008-02-08T06:22:31Z</published>
        <updated>2008-02-09T01:54:20Z</updated>
    
        <author>
            <name>pudgeefeet</name>
            <uri>http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/?_c=feed-atom-full</uri>
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        <p>Yeah, <a href="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/library/post/i-just-need-cheese-to-go-with-this.html">that same UTI</a>.&#160; It&#39;s still here.&#160; To top it off, I caught a cold this week and now also fighting off a cough &amp; sore throat.&#160; After my friend&#39;s sister, who&#39;s a doctor, told me that my kidneys are deteriorating as we speak and a coworker telling me that one of our student got her seizure disorder from an untreated kidney infection (poor thing gets 2 seizures a day), and then my cousin telling me about her coworker who&#39;s kidney failed at age 30, I decided to try and navigate the Kaiser system again.&#160; I called urgent care at 6:00 and finally spoke to someone at 6:30.&#160; She said to pick up my prescription in 2 hours.</p><p>I called the pharmacy at 8pm and they said there&#39;s no record of my order!&#160; great, this again.&#160; After a lot of waiting and talking to supervisors, a supervisor finally called to confirm that he spoke to the pharmacy and the order is in.&#160; yay!</p><p>So we visit my parents first, then headed to the hospital and they handed me my prescription and said there was no charge!&#160; yay!&#160; anyone know why there was no charge?&#160; <br /> </p>   <p style="clear:both;"> 
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        </content> 
    <category term="health" scheme="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/tags/health/" label="health" /> 
    <category term="uti" scheme="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/tags/uti/" label="uti" /> 
    <category term="kaiser" scheme="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/tags/kaiser/" label="kaiser" /> 
    </entry> 
    
    <entry>
        <title>I just need cheese to go with this...</title>   
        <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" title="I just need cheese to go with this..." href="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/library/post/i-just-need-cheese-to-go-with-this.html?_c=feed-atom-full" />  
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        <published>2008-01-24T03:23:11Z</published>
        <updated>2008-01-24T19:16:06Z</updated>
    
        <author>
            <name>pudgeefeet</name>
            <uri>http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/?_c=feed-atom-full</uri>
        </author>
    
        
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        <p>&lt; whine&gt;</p>
<p>I woke up today with UTI.&#160; I called one Kaiser and waited on hold only to be told that I have to call my primary office.&#160; I eventually get a hold of a nurse and she says she can put in the prescription for me.&#160; I tough out another 2+ hours at work, going to the restroom every 20 min.</p>
<p>Finally, when I was done w/ work, I head home and call the pharmacy to see if my drugs are ready.&#160; They have no record of my prescription!&#160; argh.&#160; More calls, more transfers, and a whole lot more of waiting later I find out that the nurse was unable to do it b/c she was w/ urgent care &amp; during office hours, you have to go through the docs office instead!</p>
<p>So I try calling the docs office, but was told to call back b/c they&#39;re all at lunch.&#160; Call back later and got to the right office.&#160; Went through the whole questionaire AGAIN and was put on hold for another 10 min... only to be hung up on!!&#160; So I call back and eventually a nurse said she&#39;ll get the doc to sign off on it.</p>
<p>J convinces me to get a haircut in the meantime.&#160; So I go and ask for an update from my previous perm... expecting to walk out with that same fresh, cute cut/perm I got last time.&#160; After falling asleep and hitting my head on the blow dryer thing, and sitting there for an ENTIRE evening, I ended up looking worse than I walked in!</p>
<p>My hair was still waaaay long and the waves looked lifeless.&#160; So he started to thin out my hair even more, but it still looked bad...&#160; I didn&#39;t pay for bed hair!&#160; I figure the problem was it needed more obvious layers and shortened, so he chops off my hair... including all the newly permed hair!!!&#160; So now I look like a mushroom.&#160; A poofy top sitting on my stem of a&#160;neck.&#160; :*(&#160; I have never been this unsatisfied with my haircut!!&#160;&#160; I&#39;m going to wear a beanie for the next month and hopefully it&#39;ll be long enough to have something done to it.&#160; :(</p>
<p>My hair stylist has never let me down the entire several years I&#39;ve been with him.&#160; In fact, he has always left me pleasantly surprised each time!&#160; I felt bad b/c I think it was poor communication.&#160; I wanted more layers and a bit shorter, but i only said shorter.&#160; I assumed he would just do the thing he has always done!&#160; He knew I was unhappy, but I didn&#39;t make a big deal to him about it because I didn&#39;t want him to feel bad.&#160; I don&#39;t like making ppl feel bad, and I know everyone has their off days.&#160; I have underdelivered before and I know how dissapointing that feels, so I didn&#39;t want to make him feel worse than he probably does.&#160; Paid him the full amount still and yes, will still return to him, but with more specific requests next time.&#160; As one of my students said regarding his favorite sport team, &quot;One bad season doesn&#39;t make them a bad team.&quot;&#160; So I give him the benefit of the doubt and will try again once I regain some inches.</p>
<p>&lt; / whine &gt;</p>
<p>I hate 2008 so far.&#160; (But I DO appreciate greatly how&#160;my relationship with J and our photography has only been getting better, so I am grateful for that.)&#160; But all the other stuff going on around me suck. :\</p>
<p>Edited:&#160; Oh yeah, so WHILE I was sulking about my hair, I check my voicemail and it&#39;s a nurse telling me to call her back.&#160; damn, there must have been an issue with the prescription!&#160; I call back and they said the clinic closes at 5!&#160; The nurse left me the voicemail at 5:30 though!&#160; So still no meds.&#160; ugh... okay, now I&#39;m done.</p>   <p style="clear:both;"> 
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            ]]>
        </content> 
    <category term="rant" scheme="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/tags/rant/" label="rant" /> 
    <category term="haircut" scheme="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/tags/haircut/" label="haircut" /> 
    <category term="whine" scheme="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/tags/whine/" label="whine" /> 
    <category term="bad day" scheme="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/tags/bad+day/" label="bad day" /> 
    <category term="bad haircut" scheme="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/tags/bad+haircut/" label="bad haircut" /> 
    <category term="uti" scheme="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/tags/uti/" label="uti" /> 
    </entry> 
    
    <entry>
        <title>Cloverfield makes me want to yak</title>   
        <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" title="Cloverfield makes me want to yak" href="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/library/post/cloverfield-makes-me-want-to-yak.html?_c=feed-atom-full" />  
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        <published>2008-01-19T19:04:53Z</published>
        <updated>2008-01-21T20:25:02Z</updated>
    
        <author>
            <name>pudgeefeet</name>
            <uri>http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/?_c=feed-atom-full</uri>
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        <p>We went to watch Cloverfield at Paramount Studios last night at a special sneak preview.&#160; For those who know me, I don&#39;t watch movies.&#160; I&#39;m a busy body; I can&#39;t sit around for longer than 15 minutes.&#160;&#160; I didn&#39;t even know what movie we were watching!&#160; I just went to be w/ J.</p>
<p>So 10 minutes into the movie and I just wanted to puke.&#160; I was SO naucious and had severe motion sickness.&#160; I spent 75% of the time with my eyes closed and ears plugged.&#160; Even the sound alone was making me naucious.&#160; ugh...</p>
<p>But besides the motion sickness, I like the concept.&#160; Made me feel like I was there.&#160; Real time.</p>   <p style="clear:both;"> 
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        </content> 
    <category term="movies" scheme="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/tags/movies/" label="movies" /> 
    <category term="illness" scheme="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/tags/illness/" label="illness" /> 
    <category term="motion sickness" scheme="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/tags/motion+sickness/" label="motion sickness" /> 
    <category term="cloverfield" scheme="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/tags/cloverfield/" label="cloverfield" /> 
    <category term="naucious" scheme="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/tags/naucious/" label="naucious" /> 
    </entry> 
    
    <entry>
        <title>my dog plays soccer</title>   
        <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" title="my dog plays soccer" href="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/library/post/soccer.html?_c=feed-atom-full" />  
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        <link rel="enclosure" href="http://a0.vox.com/download/6a00d09e471c21be2b00e398d391080003-flv.flv" type="video/x-flv" length="983998" />          <id>tag:vox.com,2008-01-18:asset-6a00d09e471c21be2b00e398d391cf0005</id>
        <published>2008-01-18T06:20:49Z</published>
        <updated>2008-01-19T01:17:36Z</updated>
    
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            <name>pudgeefeet</name>
            <uri>http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/?_c=feed-atom-full</uri>
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 <div>lets train some more and start a team.&#160; lol<br /></div>   <p style="clear:both;"> 
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        </content> 
    <category term="family" scheme="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/tags/family/" label="family" /> 
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    <category term="maltese" scheme="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/tags/maltese/" label="maltese" /> 
    <category term="soccer" scheme="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/tags/soccer/" label="soccer" /> 
    <category term="tricks" scheme="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/tags/tricks/" label="tricks" /> 
    <category term="broccoli" scheme="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/tags/broccoli/" label="broccoli" /> 
    </entry> 
    
    <entry>
        <title>yummy in my tummy!</title>   
        <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" title="yummy in my tummy!" href="http://pudgeefeet.vox.com/library/post/yummy-in-my-tummy.html?_c=feed-atom-full" />  
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        <published>2008-01-17T05:07:11Z</published>
        <updated>2008-01-18T05:54:09Z</updated>
    
        <author>
            <name>pudgeefeet</name>
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        <p><a href="http://daintiescupcakes.com/">Dainties Cupcakes!</a>
    
    
    

    
    
    

    
    
    

    
    
    
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</div><div>Jonathan brought these home last week.&#160; SO YUMMY!&#160; They fill the cream into the core of the cupcake.&#160; I should&#39;ve taken a picture of that!&#160; I got too excited and ate it.&#160; :P<br /></div></p>   <p style="clear:both;"> 
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